About saying I do...

Not sure why I'm awake at this time of the morning and typing away. Maybe its because I've come across some words that have got me thinking? Anyways, I have pondered on the subject of marriage for so long and asked myself how I'd know that I'm ready to fulfil the position of "Someone's Good Thing."

I am Christian by religion,and cannot help but form my values around my christian morals. However, I've got to think about the world I find myself in, and prepare a realistic positioning to deal with some of the ills that come with being a part of this world. Anyways, back to the subject matter. I've asked myself what's a woman to do when she let's go of her fathers hand at the alter and joins it with this man, to whom she's making those sacred vows? Do we take a holiday from our vows and just bask in the joy of being called newly weds, and gaze for hours in disbelief and awe at the shiny rock seated peacefully on our ring finger? Should we start from the moment we say "I do" to play the role of the wife that is expected of us? Bear with me while I drop in a few excerpts from a blog I found.

"Woman was created from the rib of man She was not made from his head to top him Nor from his feet, to be trampled on. She was made from his side, to be equal to him From under his arm to be protected by him From near his heart to be loved by him."

I love this quote and would love to kiss the man/woman who penned it with gratitude however he/she chose to remain anonymous. I have come to understand that when I hold his hand and say I do, I'm going to be by his side at all times. I expect to be loved and love in return, I understand that I should not rule him, neither should I become his practice session for the next boxing title, but together we build a loving life for ourselves.

I am African, of Nigerian heritage, raised by the stock of the land. I guess one of my major worries is the Nigerian perception of marriage. Nigerians are of the impression that when a woman marries a man, she automatically becomes part of the wider family. She has to have a relationship with his immediate and extended family, and behave in all traditional conduct as expected by his people. Her relationship with his family could have an impact on their relationship. Sounds like a good idea, but I'm not sure I want to be forced into a relationship with people based on the expectations of other people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm easy to be with, a little weird I am, but not without my exceptional characteristics that make me loveable, and friendly (for the love of oneself). However I find it hard to be friendly because it is expected of me. Southern Nigerians  are typically Christians, and as a christian expecting to marry a Christian, based on the book of Genesis. Now let me find that verse...

Gen 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (English Standard Version)

Now I'm hoping you understand when I say my relationship with his family should not have any emphasis on building a life with him. I expect the relationship with his family to happen in its own time, with the general understanding that they are not to interfere with our personal relationship unless a mutual invitation has been given. Now let's not get it twisted, I expect that at this point I am a priority in his life and vice versa. I'm not on a quest for superiority I'm just asking that we be as intended in the bible.

I don't know if this makes me the marrying kind or not, I just know what I'm bringing to our union and what he can expect from me. Because the bible suggests that out of his rib we were made, I will be strong yet fragile, the gatekeeper of his heart, to love him unconditionally and protect his heart from hurt, the support he needs as a helpmate not his provider, but his support, together raising a worthy family. I'll be his lover, friend, confidant and God willing, the loving mother of his children. 

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I know life is full of surprises, and things can change thereby causing my views to change, but until then, Here's to Saying I do on my terms.