Dear Miss Akerele,
It has been a while since we’ve had a heart to heart,
and today you have spun the need to talk to you. We had a brief chat
on Skype and I referred to you as an Unkept Garden (feel
free to use unkempt if you prefer). I thought I might explain in detail what I
meant. Mostly, I pray that you will find you. Not what people want you to be,
but the you that would be proud enough to stand tall, even though in reality
you are quite a short woman… I love you all the same.
Let us take a look at the word Unkept - not retained, not preserved, not maintained.
If you prefer the word Unkempt- neglected, untidy because of neglect, disheveled (like the unkempt clothes of a tramp)
Now I remember the first time we had
a heart to heart. We were in the mini fridge room behind the kitchen at church,
when I probed regarding an issue that seemed to bother you. Before this time, my
impression of you was a young disrespectful, selfish girl with an Ego the size
of Mt. Kilimanjaro. We talked and all I deduced from the conversation was that
you were an attention seeker, with serious identity issues, suffering from high
end dependency and needed help. Boy was I wrong? Or probably right in some
sense. In all the time I have spent getting to know you and love you, I see a
woman suffering an identity crisis, and as a result you find the best of you is
left to wither while you try to become other people’s expectations of you.
I have chosen this picture of to describe my perception of you (unkept garden) because of the colours that spring out in the midst of all that green. The green here represents who you are, and the confusion and misunderstanding that you have become. The colourful flowers in the midst of all that green are the talents/abilities that you possess. They unfortunately have fight hard for a place in your life. Not because you don’t have the ability to excel with what you've got, but you have let other people’s perception of you determine who you should be. It takes a lot of strength to say “Hey, this is who I am” knowing that it may not appeal to all, but saying it because you have found solace in you.
Change
does not happen overnight. It takes guts, and determination even in the face of failure to make
a change. Even though my perception of you may be floored and lacking evidence, and it could just be me seeing what
my life was before I decided that I was not going to be defined by other people’s
reality of me, I feel strongly in my heart that for you to find you, and all
the beauty that exists within you, you’re going to have to take a chance and
weed the garden. It’s not a day’s job. You’ve got to be willing to get your hands
dirty, and look at a patch and say you know, I’d prefer a rose there instead,
and probably some lilies here. And you’ll
find the making of you. You will begin to find that while you may feel bare
some parts of you will be on the mend. You will find that just like this plot below,
a fine arrangement begins to come together. In spite of the uncertainty, the
assortment of flowers begin to find a place where they should be.
After
months and months of ripping the garden apart, replanting and watering, and
weeding, one day you will wake up smiling. Not because you’ve got it
all right, but because you know how to get to where you’re going, Who you are,
and most of all can take responsibility for your own actions. It will be like
waking up to the sound of the weather man forecasting that the day is full of
sunshine and you can enjoy the weather without the interruption of rain, winter
or any restrictions that may normally impede.
I’m not
going to wear you out with my illustrations, but hope that when you get to that
place where you can be content with yourself and truly say THIS IS ME, I will
still be a part of your life and will be standing in the crowd smiling at you knowing
that we have achieved a milestone.
The wise
words of Nana Cher
